Thanks For The Pep Talk
by Lawliet Holmes
Summary: In the defense of the galaxy, Commander Shepard has betrayed her two best friends in the whole world, and watched the love of her life die in front of her. And with the end of the Reaper War in sight, she can't do it anymore... So one crazy-ass marine tells her she can. Oneshot, Shega. M for swearing and suggestive material


So this was it. The final calm before the storm. After so much work, so much sacrifice, and after watching her heart get torn to pieces before her eyes, they'd finally reached the end. Finally, they would completely destroy Cerberus. Finally, they'd be able to focus fully on the Reapers… and she'd have her revenge. There was no denying that revenge was now one of her main driving forces, even if she hated to admit it to herself. She was an inspiration, now; humanity's hero. Her motives should be the salvation of the galaxy, the eradication of evil, and the protection of those she loved. She didn't feel that, not anymore. Not after everything that had happened to her. Not after everything she'd done.

Her hatred for Cerberus was what kept her going, and when Cerberus were dead, her driving force would be self justification. She had to defeat the Reapers, so that she could tell herself that she'd done the right thing. That her decisions were the right ones.

But that was hard. Impossible, even. Because she could still hear everybody she'd let down, everybody she'd betrayed, in her thoughts. She could hear Mordin, who was somewhere far away working with the STG. She could still see him, his whole body quivering, the shock at her betrayal clear on his face. She could see him, defiant in the face of death… and she could hear the pain in his voice when he screamed "Because I made a mistake!"

Their friendship was ruined. All those times where they would talk well into the night in his lab, where he'd teach her about how the universe worked, and tell her his stories… gone. She'd convinced him, but he hadn't forgotten her betrayal.

And Wrex… that broke her heart, seeing him full of the bloodlust, shouting accusingly at her, completely destroyed by her betrayal, and ready to kill her. She had made the best decision for Earth… but she had decided the fate of an entire race, and betrayed somebody who had been her best friend. She'd respected him so much for who he was and what he did, and he'd respected her. He was the person she wanted at her side on the day she died, fighting untold evil. And she'd lied to him, and then killed him. Watching him fall was one of the hardest things she'd ever had to watch.

The hardest was when Thane died, and she didn't even want to think about that. She'd known it would happen eventually; that was the thing about giving your heart to a dying man. But she hadn't expected this. The sheer, heart wrenching pain when Kai Leng stabbed him, as if he'd plunged his sword into her gut, instead, and the beautiful, terrible heartache when she watched him close his eyes for the last time, his last thoughts of her salvation.

It was his faith that she respected most, surprisingly. How he clung steadfastly to those religious beliefs that so few held, and how his only thought was of making the world a brighter place before he died. He had succeeded, but her world was so much darker without him…

Like a child at night, Shepard slowly swung herself off of her bed, and dropped to her knees beside it, clasping her hands together like she had so often seen Thane do, and just knelt there for a while, blinking desperately so that she wouldn't cry. Then, with a trembling voice, she lifted her eyes upwards.

"Amonkira… Lord of Hunters… Grant me the strength of body and the strength of heart so see this through to the end. Give me the courage to carry on regardless of what or who I lose. Grant me the drive and the courage to lead those that would follow me into hell itself, and the resolve to tear my enemies to pieces before me. I swear that I will avenge that which I have lost…"

She choked up a little bit as she remembered the first time she had heard Thane pray to Amonkira, and bowed her head, a tear dropping onto her sheets.

"Amonkira, Lord of Hunters… grant that my hands be steady, my aim be true, and my feet swift… And should the worst come to past, grant me…"

She heard the hiss of her cabin door, and hurriedly leapt to her feet, turning to see the muscled figure of James Vega in the doorway. She opened her mouth the shout at him, but smiled slightly, and slowly stepped in.

"Lola", he said by way of greeting, and Shepard scowled at him, face reddening. Of all the people who she didn't want to see her weak…

"James, what the hell are you doing just waltzing into my cabin like that? There's a reason it's on its own floor!"

James stood smartly to attention, saluting, but the sly smile on his face told her that he didn't really take her anger seriously.

"Apologies, Commander Shepard, ma'am", he chuckled, and then walked in, looking around at her desk.

"Why are you here, Vega?" she demanded, and James smiled slightly.

"It's a big thing we've got to do, Lola, and nobody's invincible. Not even Commander Shepard. This shit has _got_ to be getting to you, and I thought you might want somebody to talk to."

Shepard frowned.

"I think you're pushing fraternisation a little too far, Vega. What makes you think I'll talk to you?"

James was undeterred, and shrugged.

"Tensions high down there. Everybody's dealing with it differently. They're all talking to somebody, and nobody thought to come up and check on you. And as usual, these kinds of jobs get delegated to the crazy Marine."

Shepard nodded, appreciative of the gesture, and sat down on her bed. James took this as an invitation to talk, and looked around her room again, stopping by the fish tank and looking at the fish in there.

"Getting a few words with Heaven before we take out Cerberus, then?" he asked, following the progress of one of the Eels.

Shepard nodded, looking away.

"Something like that."

James nodded, eyes not leaving the Eel.

"Who do you pray to?"

She shook her head, embarrassed.

"What does it matter?"

James turned around to look at her.

"Well, if the Illusive Man gets destroyed by fire and brimstone, I'd like to know who to thank."

Despite herself, Shepard chuckled, and the ice was broken.

Slightly embarrassed, Shepard nodded.

"Amonkira, Lord of Hunters…"

James nodded, smiling slightly.

"Wasn't that…"

"One of Thane's Gods, yeah."

James looked at her with an expression of pity, and stepped closer, standing by the armour terminal.

"If you'll forgive my saying so, ma'am… it wasn't fair, what happened with Cerberus. Those bastards tricked us, and that Kai Leng bastard didn't fight fair."

Shepard nodded.

"Cerberus don't fight fair, James… But now, neither do we. We're going to tear them to pieces. You up for that, Vega?"

James laughed.

"Hell yeah, Lola; no matter what goes down, you can count on me to keep you covered. I plan on doing whatever the fuck it takes to get some well-earned revenge, and then we're gonna take back our planet."  
Shepard chuckled.

"You sound a lot more confident than I feel…"

James shrugged.

"We've done everything we possibly can, we've got the best army in history… and we've got Commander Shepard."

"For all the good that'll do…"

James stepped forwards, gripping her arms before she could protest, and dragging her to her feet.

"Forgive the insubordination, but… shut the fuck up. You've done more than anybody else could, and you're the best fucking Soldier the galaxy has ever seen. You've killed Reapers. You've saved the galaxy twice already. You've brought every race in the entire galaxy together to fight for _your_ planet, and you haven't even broken a sweat."

James stopped, breathing heavily, and for a second Shepard glared into his eyes, ready to knock him to the ground… but she didn't. She looked at him, and as her eyes closed a tear ran down her cheek.

"It's too much… I'm done… I can't do this…"

Shepard stiffened as James wiped her tear away with the back of his enormous hand.

"You're right, Lola… You can't do this on your own."

She looked up in surprise, and James' face was deadly serious.

"You can't. But you'll do it anyway, because you've got people behind you who trust you completely, and who will follow you into hell itself, and who will fight with everything they've got because they believe in you… and for what it's worth, Lola… you've got Lieutenant James Vega, as well. Anything you need… Anything you want…"

Shepard's eyes closed as she started to shake, and she slumped forwards, burying her face in Vega's chest. He put his arms around her, pulling her close and looking at the wall opposite. When he'd come in, he hadn't expected this… but even Commander Shepard needed a shoulder to cry on, it seemed.

"And… should the worst come to pass…" she whispered into his chest, finishing her prayer.

"Grant me forgiveness…"

She looked up at James, one of the few humans who actually towered above her, and sighed.

"James… Thanks, Soldier. You… that helped."

James awkwardly let her go.

"Good… I mean, that was kinda the point."

She chuckled.

"You're an odd one, Vega. A bit loco…"

James actually laughed out loud, and playfully punched her shoulder.

"You're getting there, Lola; you're alright."

Shepard returned fire, lightly punching his gut, and he sent a punch for her face. Giggling like a child, and now hyperactive with nervous energy, she dodged to the side and brought her knee up towards his stomach, which he slapped down and then pushed her backwards. She staggered (Shepard may have been the toughest soldier in the galaxy, but James was _strong_), and let out a tiny shriek when she discovered the presence of the bed, and fell backwards onto it. She lay there, laughing and looking up at the bulky Marine, who had a slight grin on his face, and after a moment that threatened to become awkward, she let out a sigh.

"God…"

Then she looked at the bed around her, laughed, and sat up.

"Well, are you coming?"

James' eyebrows shot up.

"Sorry, what?"

She rolled her eyes.

"To bed, Vega. You're here, you're hot, you're a nice guy, and I have honestly never been more ready to break down than I am right now. Distract me…"

He looked hesitant, torn even, and Shepard laughed.

"That's an order."

He chuckled, reaching down and pulling his shirt off in one smooth motion, revealing the quite frankly terrifying amount of muscle underneath.

"Well, I suppose if you're sure, I got a fair bit of stress myself, Lola."

She laughed, and shuffled backwards on the bed as James went down on her, hovering above her questioningly.

"Oh for God's sake, Vega, do you need a written invitation?"

He chuckled.

"Maybe…"

And he kissed her, only to find himself out of his depth as she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him so hard that she threatened to break his jaw. She could feel guilty later; right now, she just didn't want to be alone…


End file.
